Tongue ‘n’ Cheek

These are supposedly actual excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas Medical Branch (Galveston) during a study of parental psychology.

  1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
  2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
  5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
  6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
  7. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
  8. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
  9. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
  10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
  11. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
  12. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
  13. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
  14. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
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