Tongue 'n' Cheek

Can you cry under water?

How important do people have to be before they are considered “assassinated” instead of just “murdered”?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in,” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts?” Where’s that extra penny going?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you “in” a movie, but you’re “on” TV?

Why do people pay to go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?