Tongue 'n' Cheek

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

My mother taught me about PATIENCE. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”

My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vege-tables, you’ll never grow up.”

My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”

My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

And my favorite…my mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”