Tongue ‘n’ Cheek

An Extra Day Off

I decided I needed a few days off and realized I was out of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the boss to send me home was to act a little crazy. I figured he’d think I was burning out and give me some time off. I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my coworkers (he’s blonde…it’ll be important later) came in and asked me what I was doing.

“Shhh,” I said, “I’m acting crazy to get a few days off. I’m a light bulb.”

A second later the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. “I’m a light bulb!” I exclaimed.

“You’re going crazy,” he said. “Take a few days off.”

With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started following me and the boss asked where he was going. “I can’t work in the dark,” he said.

What You Say, Isn’t Always What’s Heard

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. At Morris’ next appointment the doctor spoke to him and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’” The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.’”